I heard a rumor last winter that a young doctor friend of ours was separated from his wife. Not having seen them for several months, when we bumped into him last week I could not help but ask if the rumor was true. He said the divorce had been final for two months. I asked if he was happy about it and he said “NO I’m not happy about it…I’m not the one who wanted the divorce…” Then his posture changed. He dropped into a chair with a plop, crossed his arms and started shaking his head. I asked what else was up, and he said he had no interest in dating anyone and would probably never want another relationship “which is a good thing because nobody would have me anyway”…a classic sign of a severely broken heart. It was not the time or the place to have an in-depth discussion with him, so later I sat down and wrote him a letter. I asked him to consider that NEITHER of them made any mistakes.
What they made were choices…not mistakes. There is no benefit in thinking that either made mistakes because that leads to blame, and blame is a waste of time. Every choice we make sets us on a new path. Often we make many choices in a row without much thought and suddenly look up and realize we’ve gotten off the path we thought we wanted to be on. When that happens it’s natural to feel that somewhere back there, we must have made a wrong turn…but I don’t think so. I think we’re always exactly where we are supposed to be, even when it feels terrible at the moment!
I ’ m convinced that the w h o l e universe is in PERFECT ORDER all the time; even when our personal world seems to have fallen apart. I believe that everything in our lives is exactly the way it is supposed to be at this exact moment in time. If we do not like it, then we can make new choices, and move in a different
direction. We can move off the path we don’t like, and onto a path that we will love being on, somewhere down the road. I believe that only God is able to see the really big picture… the rest of us are living inside a jigsaw puzzle we call life…and when a piece doesn’t seem to fit, we feel lost. But the Lord can see that only perfect pieces are on the table. Sometimes it feels like none of the pieces around us will ever fit into place. Eventually, after we get things shifted around enough times, we begin to understand why all these seemingly useless pieces are part of our personal jigsaw life. Figuring out how to make the pieces fit is how we learn.
Perhaps the lessons we are learning right now will not only help us, but other people around us? Our children are watching us. Everything they see and hear from us will become part of their lives too. If we make good choices now, they will learn a great deal from our choices. It’s important to review a lost relationship, and all disappointing situations, to discover what choices w e r e made that you can learn a lesson from. This is how you understand how your choices today will affect what path you will be on tomorrow. But once you have reviewed your choices, and noticed where you could have chosen differently, it’s also OK to allow Faith back into your life.
Have Faith that you will make better choices in the future and enjoy the new path you will find yourself on. Don’t beat yourself up and don’t beat up anyone else either. The loss of any relationship is similar to the death of a loved one. Some people feel divorce is even more difficult than the death of a spouse. It is important to allow yourself to mourn. Nobody else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” with your life. Only you will know when you have mourned long enough. It’s also OK to allow yourself to believe you will be happy again. Begin NOW to KNOW in your heart that moving forward, you will be making more conscious choices, which will move you onto a path you will love traveling!
